


The Heart of a Crow

by RavenCall70



Series: Origins of Ferelden [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Correspondence, Gay Male Character, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenCall70/pseuds/RavenCall70
Summary: When the letters from his amor stop coming, Zevran gets drunk





	The Heart of a Crow

_"Zev,_

_I was so pleased to receive your letter so soon after arriving here in Amaranthine. Things here are... unsettling. Vigil's keep was under attack by darkspawn when I arrived and all the Wardens from Orlais are dead or missing._

_They're organized Zev and more disturbing is that the one I killed... talked. He was threatening the Keep's seneschal when I stopped him. I don't know what this means but the Wardens who I thought I'd be leading are no longer here._

_King Alistair, (and yes, Zev, I know how weird that sounds), arrived shortly after we cleared out the darkspawn. He couldn't stay, but did help me stop a Templar from returning a mage to the Circle._

_Yes, another mage is following me around. He's been conscripted into the Grey Warden's, as was Oghren who was here when I arrived. And yeah he still reeks of... well, whatever that stench is, I still haven't figured it out._

_I miss you Zev. I wish I was with you in Antiva. I don't like the thought of you on your own against the Crows. And before you mention my risk, you know it's different. I have people watching my back here and you're alone. Sorry, I just worry. Plus, I'm sure the weather there is a damn sight better than the northern coast of Ferelden._

_When I'm finished here, I intend to meet you. I do not like being away from you. Promise you'll be careful? I love you Zevran._

_Avery"_

 

_My dear Grey Warden,_

_Talking darkspawn. Braska, I do not like the sound of that but it is a delight to hear from you amor. Truly, your words are like the sweetest breeze across my skin. If I was not busy evading the members of my former order I would be inclined to write you some dreadfully sweet poetry. Alas, the Crows are nothing if not persistent and I do not have the time just yet._

_But do not worry about me. I have enlisted some assistance from a friend we met in Denerim. She is most helpful, not to mention useful as a most sinfully seductive distraction for my enemies. (As well as the most skilled blade I have ever known.)_

_We managed to neutralize the most recent attempt to put an end to my quest and the guildmaster of Treviso is no more. We are heading to Seleny next as it is too soon to return to Antiva. I pray your tenure in Amaranthine is a short and victorious one. I miss having you at my side. Not to mention over me and under me, naked and... Apologies. I got carried away there. Be safe my dear warden. Camping in a tent while avoiding the Crows is just not the same without you at my side._

_Z."_

 

_"Zev,_

_I hope you're safe. Things here are... weird. Not to mention gross, disturbing and... difficult. It is nothing at all like it was before we stopped the Blight. My companions here are... harder to tolerate or even like really than those we once travelled with._

_I enjoy talking with Segrun, a female dwarf from the Legion of the Dead. She's like a breath of fresh air compared to some of the others. Oghren hasn't changed much and is going to be a father, though Felsi had to come here to confront him for leaving her or I would never have known. There's also a mad female Dalish mage who if I wasn't desperate for help I might have killed outright. (Don't worry, I won't kill her, though she is the rudest person I've ever met. Yes, even more than Morrigan.)_

_I think I mentioned another mage yes? His name is Anders and though pleasant enough, I can't help but think he has a lot of secrets he hides behind deflection and bad jokes. There are two others in my misfit group but I hesitate to mention them. Perhaps next time._

_How goes your hunt? You mentioned enlisting the aid of a friend in your last letter. I hope she's as good as you say and trustworthy. I got the impression she might not hesitate to serve up a little payback for how you parted from her the last time you were together._

_Dreadfully sweet poetry? Really love, anything you pen would greatly lift my spirits. I cannot convey how dreary things are, though I sense we're nearing the end of the troubles here. When my work is complete, I am coming to join you in Antiva. I am weary of darkspawn and broodmothers (don't ask), and I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms._

_Ti amo,_  
_Avery"_

 

_"My dear Grey Warden,_

_Broodmothers? If I did not know you as well as I do, I might think you were toying with me. Alas, your tone was enough to convince me you are quite serious and it worries me._

_Truly? You wish me to write you a poem? Hmm. Braska, I am interrupted. I will think on it and compose something suitable._

_I have returned! Quite exhilarating that was. But you had asked for a poem and this is what I have for you._

_When I faltered, my life was forfeit_  
_When I failed, your hand was there_  
_When I shared, you didn't judge me_  
_When I fell, your touch was fair_  
_Am I dreaming, am I deceived_  
_Does he mock me, I cannot say_  
_Then you kissed me, a dance I play_  
_You asked for more, my heart was hard_  
_I looked for tricks, they were not there_  
_I know not this dance, I gave a token_  
_You didn't press, my heart was warming_  
_Can this be real, I think, ti amo_  
_You smile, it's true_  
_This is a blessing, mi amor_  
_You whisper I love you, and I am yours._

_Sincerely, I do not believe it is my best attempt. Perhaps I should just borrow from those more talented no? I hope your troubles in Amaranthine conclude soon. I wait with bated breath to hear from you again. Isabella and I have defeated the guildmaster here in Seleny and are moving on to Rialto. A pleasant coastal city closer to Antiva city but not too close. I am looking forward to a nice bowl of fish chowder and an indulgent amount of Antivan brandy, though I would much prefer to share these things with you._

_Ti amo Avery,_  
_Z."_

 

_"Zev,_

_Your poem is beautiful and exactly what I needed when it arrived. I mentioned there were two others here with me in Amaranthine last time? They are... unconventional, to say the least but are committed to stopping the darkspawn. One is Nathaniel Howe, yes that Howe and no, I am not crazy. I conscripted him and he has earned my trust if not my loyalty. I may even recommend he take over here when this business is done._

_The other is a... how do I say this? We ended up in the Fade while looking for a missing Grey Warden. He was dead and when the blood mage we confronted sent us back, a spirit of Justice came with us (entirely by accident), and inhabited the Grey Warden's body. Yes, it is as creepy as it sounds but it didn't seem right to let him just wander off alone. Honestly, I've no idea what to do about him or if I even can do anything._

_I am all right Zev, but I admit I get tired of being trapped in the Fade against my will. I hope you are safe and that your beloved fish chowder was delicious. Have another brandy for me, sadly all the Warden's have here is cheap whiskey and even cheaper wine._

_Love,_  
_Avery"_

 

_"Avery,_

_What do you mean you conscripted a Howe? A spirit of Justice? Your description reminds me of the mortalitasi in Nevarra. I do not like this amor. Also, I get the feeling things are much worse there than you have led me to believe, though I hope that is just my imagination and you are not holding something back._

_Isabella has had to disappear for a time and I have left Rialto and am staying in a small village further inland. Things did not go well in Rialto but the fish chowder was just as I remembered it._

_Do not worry about me amor, I am safe enough and it seems to me you have more than enough to deal with. I intend to remain here until Isabella returns as it is too dangerous to venture out on my own._

_You liked my poem? Truly? Ah, ti amo you flatter me. Perhaps while I am here I shall attempt another one, better this time. Oh, I must go. The farmer has need of me. Keep yourself safe amor, I wish to see you safe and whole when you return to me._

_Z."_

 

_"My Warden,_

_It has been two months since I last heard from you and I am worried. Isabella has returned to Rialto but we have made no plans as I am not at my best with worry for you. How can I plot my revenge on the Crows if I do not know what may have befallen you?_

_Please write soon ti amo. I am sending a second letter with this one, addressed to whoever might have answers for me. I hope they will be able to help._

_Love,_  
_Z."_

 

_"Zevran Arainai,_

_I am Nathaniel Howe, acting Warden-Commaner. Warden Avery left Vigil's Keep six weeks ago. The Keep is in disarray at present but he asked me to let you know he is on his way to Rialto._

_As to why he has not yet arrived, I apologize but I do not know. He received a missive regarding some abandoned shack in the Kokari Wilds the day he left. Perhaps he's gone to investigate._

_Regards,_  
_Warden-Commander Nathaniel"_

\----xxx----

Zevran had read and re-read the letter he'd received from Nathaniel. The only shack he knew of in the Kokari Wilds was Flemeth's. He didn't think Avery cared much about Flemeth or Morrigan, though there was that one night he'd lain with the witch.

He'd been shocked when Avery had told him of Morrigan's offer to spare his life and flattered the rogue had asked if it would upset him if he accepted. Truthfully though, he'd felt an odd tightness in his chest and had struggled to respond in a steady voice over Avery's concern for his feelings on the matter. His amor had returned to him looking both guilty and relieved and made love to him with such tenderness he'd been overwhelmed by the rogue's affections.

And now he was missing and he had no way of finding him. He doubted Avery would still be in the Kokari Wilds and after so much time, there would be no trail to follow. The letter he'd recieved just this morning marked three months since he'd last heard from his amor and he was hard pressed to find fault in drowning his wories in drink.

"Zev, I've never known you to drink so much before. Why didn't you tell me this Warden meant so much to you?"

"Isabella, surely you do not require me to answer such a question." Zevran slurred, glaring at her through blurry eyes.

Isabella huffed and took a swig of whiskey. "You still might have mentioned it. We could have gone to Ferelden to look for him weeks ago."

"It does not matter now." Zevran murmured, staring into the bottom of his glass. "There's no way of knowing where he might be now, nor anyone I might ask. Perhaps the Wardens have a way, but why would they aid a former assassin? They would have no reason to assist me in this."

Iabella scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're being very stubborn Zev. I don't understand why you're giving up."

Zevran gave a sigh of frustration, though Isabella could hear the sadness in his voice when he spoke. "He went to the Kokari Wilds and didn't tell me he was going. The only person he might be seeking there is Morrigan. If the ritual she spoke of worked perhaps he is with her now and the child they made together. What am I compared to that? A washed up former Crow with a price on his head. I cannot compete with that, nor do I want to."

"Well now you're just being ridiculous. Surely you don't believe he would choose a cold-hearted, back stabbing witch over you? Especially after everything you told me about him. It doesn't make sense Zev."

"Then perhaps the worst has come to pass and he has gone to the Maker. It has been too long Isabella. I cannot lie to myself any longer."

"You're impossible." Isabella growled, getting to her feet. "I don't care how much you wish to drown yourself in drink, I'm taking you back to your room. You've had enough for one night."

"Leave me be wench." He growled, as she took hold of his arm and dragged him to his feet.

"Not a chance. Tell you what. If you want to do this again, we can come back tomorrow, but tonight you've had enough."

"You're infuriating." Zevran slurred, stumbling along beside her down the street.

Isabella said nothing as she led him to the small shack they'd rented together. She planned to stick around long enough to ensure he stayed put before heading back out to find some fun of her own. Babysitting the former Crow had not been part of her plans, but she refused to leave him in the tavern as drunk as he was. She got him to his room, depositing him on the bed like a sack of potatoes, his arms flopping about like an unweildy fish.

He grunted in surprise but made no move to turn over, his cheek pressed into his pillow and his eyes closed. When he began to snore, she huffed a breath and tugged his boots off before covering him with a thin blanket. Satisfied he wasn't likely to wake for several hours, she eased the door closed and slipped out into the night.

Zevran wasn't as out of it as he pretended when Isabella left the small building. He groaned in the silence, his heart heavy with a loss unlike any he'd felt before. It had been an eternity since he'd felt such heartache, even more painful than when his mother had died and left him alone in a harsh world.

When he'd first taken the Warden contract he'd fully expected to die. No other Crow had been foolish enough to bid on it and he was certain he'd only won it because his Crow masters wanted to be rid of him. They knew his loyalty and purpose had been shattered after what happened with Rinna and Taliesen. Not because they were all powerful or all knowing but because he'd made no effirt to hide the deadness on his eyes. He was simply a liability, one easily disposed of by sending him against Grey Wardens.

But then he'd lived and the Warden had spared him. If that hadn't been shocking enough, the rogue had then started bringing him gifts and giving him strange looks as though he found Zevran enticing. Naturally he believed that much but the Warden held something else in his eyes as well, something he had a hard time believing. Even after Avery had kissed him and lain with him, he remained wary and aloof.

Months passed and still he wasn't sure about anything until one day like any other day in this strange journey he was in, he'd looked at Avery and felt that gaze and knew what he was seeing in the rogue's eyes was love. Love for him, Zevran. The man whose first meeting with him had been when he'd tried and failed to kill him.

After struggling to accept that what he saw was real and not some trick, he'd been shocked to realize he loved him back. That had been hard to take, even harder to admit and say. Yet Avery had been patient and kind and loved him anyway, despite his reluctance to speak of such things.

Zevran groaned again, his chest tight with the loss he refused to acknowledge, though with each day that pased it became harder to ignore. The silence was deafening and he found there was nothing loud enough to block it out. Nothing important enough or strong enough to distract him from the emptiness and helplessness he felt at not knowing what had happened to his Grey Warden.

A tear rolled down his cheek and he was glad he was just that little bit drunk. Enough that if he remembered his tears come morning, he could blame the drink and not his broken heart.

He was so consumed with his thoughts that he didn't at first hear the creak of a floorboard outside his room. By the time the sound registered, his door was swinging open and the whiskey he'd drunk had him fumbling for a weapon as the intruder took a step towards the bed where he lay.

"Who goes there?" He demanded, wincing at the slur in his words. "I warn you, I am a Crow and can kill you from where I sit as easily as if I were already at your throat."

A soft chuckle sounded in the dark, followed by a sharp intake of breath. And then the intruder was gathering Zevran in his arms, quiet sobs rumbling against his neck. "Avery?" He whispered, shocked.

"Zev, Zev..." Avery murmured, his arms tightening around his lover's waist. "I thought I'd never find you, I thought I'd never see you again."

"Ti amo. What are you talking about? Where have you been? It's been months amor... I thought you had forsaken me."

Avery pulled back to stare into his lover's eyes. "Never Zev, never. Please forgive me Zevran. I'm so sorry I made you worry."

Zevran relaxed in Avery's arms, putting a hand to his lover's cheek, he placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He sighed against him as Avery relaxed in his arms and deepened the kiss with a whimper of need.

"All is forgiven amor. You are here now."

"Just like that?"

"Well no... I think you will need to make it up to me my Grey Warden."

Avery smiled against his lips. "I can do that."

"Good. Can we dispense with our clothing now? If you're to make it up to me, clothing is not required here."

Avery chuckled and pulled away, his hands removed his tunic in one swift tug over his head. "You mean like this?"

"It's a start." Zevran grinned claiming his lips in a needy kiss.

 

 


End file.
